Monday, 24 February 2014

Vegan Dinner Disaster

Every year around our birthdays my family takes the birthday person for dinner to a restaurant of their choice. Now you can be like me and always default to sushi, you could be like my brother and never make up his mind, or you could be like my sister, adventurous and constantly trying new places.

Bree generally had good tastes. So a few weeks ago when I found out she had picked a restaurant for her birthday dinner, I naturally starved myself in preparation for what is normally an excellent meal. She declined to inform me what the name of the restaurant was, but hey, surprises are usually good.

And then we drive up to a vegan restaurant.

I STARVED MYSELF FOR THIS?!


My brother and I are horrified. We are carnivores through and through, capable of eating red meat every day without complaint. My parents are laughing uncontrollably and my sister has this massive poop-eating grin on her face.

The inside of a restaurant was basically what I'd imagine a hippie's dream establishment to be. Yoga in the basement, wooden tables that look secondhand, a tea bar filled with the words "energy", "spiritual", and "activate" plastered everywhere. Brian and I sat poker faced as we withstand another barrage of laughter from our Mother.

Meanwhile, a McDonald's taunts us from across the street. I know of a good sushi bar 2 blocks away, and one of the best cafes I know is literally beside us. And here I am, trapped in this nightmare.


I'm trying my best to be polite. The food isn't bad, but I wouldn't come here on my own volition. Everything tastes of nature, the earth, tree bark, grass.

And I hate it.

Brian is poking at his mac and "cheese". Yes, the cheese is in quotations because it was presented that way on the menu. No it didn't not taste like cheese, at least, not any cheese I've eaten in Canada before. I'm choking down some sort of salad? I'm not quite sure what I ordered, I picked what seemed the most edible.

My Dad is happy though. He's able to sample everything that everyone else is eating. It's difficult to find places to eat at with my Dad due to his vegetarian tastes but he's having a good time.

Damian sits across the table, slowly losing his mind.

I was going to pick up a 20 piece McNugget pack from McDonald's after dinner. But something in that vegan dinner didn't agree with my stomach. So for the rest of the evening I suffered with extreme gas. My mother claims it was all psychological.

I personally blame the vegan food.

Never again.

25 comments:

  1. I enjoy vegetarian food, but I really don't think I'd like vegan. It sounds like my idea of a nightmare. And the fact that there was a McDonalds in plain sight? Now that's just mean.

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  2. Laughing my ass off here. I dated a vegan once and we always had such a hard time finding places that we mutually liked to eat at!

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  3. LMAO I would not want to go there either

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  4. If mind doesn't like then gut won't agree !
    Better luck next time.

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  5. Hahahahahaha, I know exactly which restaurant you're talking about. I've eaten there myself. Food is pretty good but it's extremely expensive for what you get. Namaste!

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  6. I think I know what you're talking about.
    Vegan is way too much.

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  7. Yeah, the gas was probably a good thing. Cleansing process can affect the human very quickly, and it sounds like that. I went through it.

    Would do wonders for your workouts if you got enough vegan calories in. But then, meats are so much easier for proteins.. eh.

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  8. Ha ha what a sad experience for a meal. I don,t mind making the vegetarian meal here and there but if I go to a restaurant I need real protein.

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  9. ahahahahaha, I'm a vegetarian and have been for as long as I can remember. I never did like meat. BUT, not one person in my house is, so I have to cook meat daily. It's funny to hear of a story that is the opposite. You're a good brother to hang in there for your sis. :)

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  10. Oh come on - you can't go one meal without animal products? And anyway, it was your sister's birthday, so her choice.

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  11. Hahhaha,,Vegetables are good for health boy!

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  12. While I'm a vegetarian, I never really have anything that's vegan. Cheese and milk subs don't sound great

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  13. McDonald's? There is nothing in there that is remotely food-like!

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  14. Extreme gas? Surely there's an idea for vegan-powered cars in there.
    I have to agree with you though, I'm no real fan of vegan food either. It always feels so... forced? They try their best to make a decent meal without meat and whatever, but it ends up coming out... lacking something.

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  15. Damian, how can you possibly beef up... without the beef?

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  16. My family wouldn't be happy either. Even my daughter, who doesn't eat much meat, would want real cheese. And even worse is the GI distress afterward...ugh.

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  17. Oh no! Cheeky sister, why do family events always end up like this? I say this, but I probably would have enjoyed the food, but then I quite like vegan and vegetarian meals anyway - and also the inside of the restaurant appealed to me from your description, maybe I'm a hippie :P

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  18. Hello again. came back to open my blog and I invite you to go to look at :)
    lovely blog as always and excellent material
    regards

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  19. My partner was a vegan, until she met me! I love meat.

    Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

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  20. hahahahaha I am so sorry this is so funny!! Yea, some beans and sprouts and green things can cause sever gasiness (is that a word if not i made a new word) Been there!

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  21. Yeah, that sounds awful. If I want to eat a calorie-free salad with fake soy cheese, I'll make that at home. If I dine out, I want to treat myself. I mean, isn't that the whole point? Eating something bad for you that you don't normally get the chance to eat?

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  22. I am so with you. Blame the food. Although I like my veggies and try to eat health, the few times a year I go out to dinner I like to have fun. Maybe next time you will have better luck.

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  23. Your posts make me laugh all the time! Keep makin' them :) You're very good at this.

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