Tuesday, 19 August 2014

The Stalker

It was another shift of work at my part-time fast food job. I was in the front, taking orders, doing cashier stuff, etc. etc. not really paying much attention to things. I mean, it was fairly dead and was turning out to be another boring shift.

I really wish it stayed that way. Because from the corner of my eye I started noticing a customer looking at me. But it wasn't just normal looking, it was more like staring, maybe even gazing. And she had this wide grin on her face, was she laughing to herself? Is she laughing at me? What's going on here?

Perhaps it was just an anomaly. That's what I told myself. Don't make eye contact with this woman and continue on with my shift. Stay in the back as much as possible and let's pretend she just disappears. After 10 minutes I already felt very uncomfortable but it would take another half an hour until she got up from her table and left.

Finally, it's safe to go back to the frOh my god she's doing walk-bys of the restaurant.

Or is it run-bys? Doesn't matter, you guys know what I'm talking about. The woman had begun walking back and forth in the distance, hopefully staring at the restaurant (but probably at me) with that same massive grin as before.

And by now my coworkers had taken notice and were not-so-subtly laughing and doing their best to shove me to the front counter.

Needless to say, I hate my coworkers.

The "walk-bys" were happening every hour now, and had been going on since lunch. I don't know what would compel a person to stay in a mall food court for such an extended period of time but this woman was tenacious. Each time I thought she was gone for good she'd come waltzing back in the distance, grinning madly to herself, staring in my general direction.

And then she started approaching the counter.

At first, she'd just stand there, smiling that creepy smile. No she didn't want to order any more food, no we couldn't help her. She'd look at me, and then walk away. My coworkers by now were hysterical, and were physically blocking me from leaving the front counter.

Did I mention I hate these guys? I hate these guys. And in a moment, I'm about to hate them even more.

And the police will never find the bodies.

The woman continued to approach the counter, and she started buying random things in the mall to show us. I'm guessing she wanted to have some kind of a reason to come back to the restaurant other than to buy food, maybe start a conversation.

And that's what she did. Those are some lovely groceries you have there. A very nice net that you purchased at the Dollar Store. Oh you're leaving? Uh, bye. I guess. See ya.

About a year ago I wrote a post about some of my least favorite coworkers at this job. Darla happened to be working with me this evening and she was ecstatic. Over time I've come to the conclusion that Darla is possibly very stupid, incapable of following basic directions, and lacking a fundamental understanding of human social interactions.

Because she proceeded to not only converse with this creepy woman but also tell her MY NAME, tell her MY WORK SCHEDULE, and boldly announce that DAMIAN IS SINGLE.

And hey! Guess what? He's Chinese, just like you! Oh wow!

I don't even have a picture or gif to describe how furious I was. This will have to do.

But then I disappeared to Vancouver for that while. And a big part of me hoped that stalker woman would have forgotten about me. Unfortunately, it turns out that stalker woman had appeared numerous times during my vacation, sometimes even coming up to ask where I was.

Finally one shift she happened to drop by when I was working. The ritual began again, approach the counter, say nothing. Sit in the distance and stare at me. Do walk-bys of the restaurant. Everything seemed in order. I was uncomfortable, but at least nothing had escalated.

And then she came up and asked if she could see me outside of work.

I politely declined. She looked crestfallen and left shortly aftOh wait no, she's back again. Why are you doing walk-bys so close to the counter? Why are you muttering strange things to yourself? I don't go to church, why are you going to see me in church? What's going on? Someone please help.

And you're back again. What's that? You want a ride home? From me? 5 minutes from the mall? After work? Gangsters following you home you say? I, what?

I was so stunned, I fully expected her to be gone, never to be seen again. And in that confusion I actually agreed to give her that ride home. Yes, Damian pulled a stupid. How I suffer for this blog. I don't post as much as I used to but the stupid hurts so much in this story do you blame me for putting it off for so long?

She then stood by the counter for the rest of the evening. She "liked to watch me work" as she said. My other coworker Nigel cannot stop laughing and ridiculing me for my bad life choice. But he at least agreed to ride with me so that if she murdered me on the ride home someone would be able to call the police or something.

Unsurprisingly, Nigel is still very amused by the whole incident.

The ride to stalker woman's place was uneventful. And I haven't seen her since then. Will I ever see her again? Probably not, I hope not. I'm heading back to school in the fall with the great possibility of finding employment elsewhere.

But that's for a future blogpost.


  1. Holy shit, that actually sounds really intense. I could get a good giggle out of it, for the first ten minutes maybe, but I have no idea how your coworkers didn't see the gravity of the situation when this continued for so long. And that Darla woman? What the fuck is her deal? You don't do that! I'd have shit my pants and nope'd the fuck outta there leaving only my resignation papers behind.
    Good thing she's gone now. If she returns though, you might want to consider taking this shit to the police or something.

  2. Wow - glad you didn't get murdered. Did she say anything at all on the ride home about why she was staring at you all day?

  3. Creepy and unsettling alright. Don't give her a ride again.

  4. what if she comes back and it becomes a romantic date or once again same story staying behind
    did not mention how she looked ?

  5. lmao oh now that would be funny for everyone but you haha I'll stick to just blog stalkers, you can have the real life ones

  6. Maybe she got the message that you're a nice guy, but not interested, when you gave her the ride home. I wish I could say I wasn't laughing... it sounds funny online, but I know creepers are really not funny at all in person.

  7. This is probably the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I can imagine why you didn't enjoy the experience, though; it seems like the kind of thing that would only be funny to onlookers. Glad you haven't seen her since then!

  8. Might want to get yourself a bb gun just in case

  9. So... I'm guessing she's probably not very attractive? No judgment, but I figure if she was smoking hot and doing this you might be a little more flattered about her, uh, following you around.

  10. Wow that is weird, would not feel comfy. Don't give her more rides!

  11. It sounds like she has some mental problems, honestly. And yes, your coworkers suck.

  12. Wow. Some people might think having a stalker is a bit flattering in a way, but clearly it is not. Well, if she is really obsessed she will get a job there and be more annoying than Darla.

  13. At least you came out of the experience alive and not cut up in body parts strewn along the highway. Hopefully she got the hint and doesn't bother you a ton anymore

  14. Eat garlic and stare back at her showing your tongue every now and then. Say how much you love satan. That usually works for me. I hate stalkers.

  15. wow I would have never given her a ride, though luckily it went okay for you

  16. Yikes. Sounds like that one had a screw loose.

  17. How odd! Good that you took a friend with you when you drove her home.

  18. Maybe that's what you need though. Someone with passion! Someone who knows what they want, with a sense of direction and maybe a butcher's knife!

  19. Ooooof, so awkward. Not cool at all. Run sir. Run far away.

  20. You are doing the right thing heading back to school. It is full of wonderful opportunity.