One Year Anniversary

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my blog. To be honest, I wasn't sure I'd last this long, or have that much material to talk about. Most blogs have a tendency to die after a few months, especially personal blogs.

But I guess I have an interesting enough life to continue making posts. Or maybe I can make mundane events seem more interesting.

I'm hoping my posts don't put people to sleep.

I originally started this blog to chronicle the events of me trying to figure out what to do with my life, what I was going to do after University. I truly was hoping that by this point in time I'd have a clearer idea of what to do and expect.

I don't.

And that's kind of scary, at least to me it is. Especially since most of my peers know exactly where they're headed to.

At least I'm special?

Ok, that's not entirely true. I have some sort of idea of what I want to do, it's just not as set in stone as everyone else. I have half a term left until I can get my degree and I guess we'll go from there.

I'm cutting this post short in celebration of my little anniversary, and upon further inspection it turns out I'm a day late with this post. Oops.

But yes, over the year I have had many followers but few have remained with me for a majority of the ride. And I appreciate everyone who stops by to leave a kind message. So come with me as I go through another year of uncertainty. And let's hope by my second anniversary, I'll be somewhere more secure.

Why Medical School Might Not be the Best

I think almost everyone is aware of the stereotype that all Asians are forced to be become doctors or risk being shunned by their families forever. Fortunately, my parents aren't batshit crazy and actually respect what I want to go into (whatever that'll turn out to be). But for a while, I actually wanted to go into Medical school like most of my peers. But after a while, I wasn't so sure anymore.

Well the first problem was my grades. My GPA isn't exactly the most pristine thing anymore after a terrible 3rd year. I hear that I could get into a Medical school in the Caribbean but I can't stand heat or humidity and it be extremely expensive. Like tens of thousands of dollars a year. And I didn't get a job so either parents pay (which doesn't feel right) or I get a loan (which kills me later on).

Not so appealing now, are you?

But if I were to get into Med school here in Canada, the costs aren't much better. My friend Geoff who recently got in has to pay a confirmation fee of $1000. My confirmation fee was $175. He has to pay over ten thousand a year. And it would probably be double that if he was living by himself. And no one becomes a doctor in just one year. If I'm correct, 4 years to be a General Practitioner and ~5 years for most specializations? I heard it's even more expensive in the states though so I guess I can't complain.

And there's another thing, time. From Elementary to High School that's 13 years. If I were to enter Med School that's easily another 9 years on top of the 4 years of University I've completed to get my degree. I'd be in my 30's when I'd be done, using my 20's to do more studying. I don't think that's how I want to remember spending my young adult years.

Sadly enough, this is what I mostly remember doing as a child.

Fine, let's cut that down by half a decade and just become a General Practitioner instead. It wouldn't be so bad, recent study suggests that these guys have the most job satisfaction. But another study also reveals (in just my city) that over 90% of them encounter verbal and/or physical abuse from their clients. And the stress is also ridiculous. I remember my old family doctor actually was forced to take a 3 week vacation after he suffered a nervous breakdown.

But it be ok right? Doctors make a ton of money. Yes, yes they do. Except they're usually too busy to do anything with it until they're retired. I heard of a world-renown doctor who traveled all over the world to attend conferences and give speeches. Guess who spent his money? His wife, who traveled with him and would shop while he would give his seminars.

She was probably pretty happy.

One last thing would be corruption. Yes, it exists even within Medicine. I actually only have one clear example and to be honest, it's kind of scary. There was a head surgeon around here, 20 years at a hospital who spoke out against something.

They got rid of him immediately. 20 years at a hospital and without a second thought he was gone.

I remember the complaints and articles in the paper, people being confused but it caused me to wonder. What else is happening in our hospitals that is being repressed? I'm sure that newer doctors are seeing flaws and problems in the system but they're forced to stay quiet. I mean, if even a senior doctor can be sacked so easily I'm sure they'd have no problem with anyone else.

It's ok, there are plenty more where he came from.

But you know what? If for some unlikely, insane and miraculous reason I got accepted into Med school, I'd probably take it. I know about the problems and horrors and yet I'd still freely hurl myself into this. Why? Because at least it be something. I still don't know what I'm going to do with myself after I graduate.

And the thought of any secure job opportunities is enough for me to go through all that nonsense.

Stress Source: Peers

I discussed how my family was a source of pressure for me but they aren't the only one. In this case a big source of stress comes from the people I graduated with.

I went to a academic, nerdy high school. We were pretty small, with the student population always under 400 people. This meant that everyone knew everybody and we got along with one another for the most part.

Accurate depiction of my school.

I've tried to keep in touch with some of the them but it hasn't been easy. A lot of them are busy but many of them are too busy because of how successful they've been since we graduated.

All I have to do is look to Facebook and check up on their recent statuses. Two years into University and at least 4 of them had been accepted into medicine. This year at least another 8 of them were accepted. And who knows how many more will get in next year. If you're not going into Medicine than you're probably an Engineer. And while the Engineers have it tough for the 4 years of school they got, after that they're pretty much set for life.

The same thing applies to those in Nursing. I know 2 people who are well on their way to becoming teachers. Several of my classmates are studying abroad and you have people like my girlfriend who are in Pharmacy and also set for life once she graduates. And then there are those who want to pursue Graduate Studies like my friend Adrian. He has his name in a scientific paper already, something to do with string theory.

 I tried to read it, my brain hurt afterward.

And for those in the Arts they're doing well too. I have friends who are in graphic design or theater and they too are doing well and are happy with themselves. The Business people seem to know what they're doing and so do those that are becoming Dentists. I look all around me and see a sea of success and bright futures.

And then I look to myself and I wonder where I'm going.

A part of me expects that I should have a better sense of direction. I went to the same school as these people, experienced the same stresses and pressures and even grew up with some of them. They all know where they wanted to go and off they went while I sit here idling and fidgeting.

What to do now.

I don't have all the time or money in the world to figure out what I want to do. I can graduate and get a degree in just one more year. But what will or can I do with it? I guess I could attempt Graduate school like Adrian but my marks and accomplishments certainly aren't as impressive. I mean, the guy has scholarships and achievements going everywhere. He isn't arrogant or boastful though, the guy's a prodigy but refuses to admit it. He was doing calculus when the rest of us were struggling with algebra.

I don't want to attend my High School Reunion and be the only one not doing something with his future. It's not a pleasant or comforting thought, being in a room full of successful and happy people while I realize all I have left is a room in my parents' basement to go to.

Maybe I should keep trying for Medicine like most of classmates, but I'm having my doubts about it. Something I'll share in future blog post.