Thursday, 11 August 2011

Stress Source: Family

Ok, back to stressed posts. It was nice to have something more positive but if I wasn't constantly worrying and panicking there wouldn't be this blog.

Awww, isn't that sweet? Someone wrote a book about me.
 
One of the main sources of pressure comes from my family. Now my family has always been supportive and helpful throughout my entire life but there are a lot of expectations that come from them. We have always been middle to upper-middle class so fairly well off. Plus all my relatives have been successful.

Let's take a look at some people from the previous generation shall we:
  • Chemist.
  • Night shift ER nurse.
  • Engineer who had a hand in 5-star hotels in Hong Kong and the Hong Kong airport.
  • Successful Chinese Supermarket before selling it to retire early.
  • Researcher before starting a family.
  • Supervisor at major electrical company.

Alright, fine, those are my elders so to speak, well let's take a look at my cousins:
  • Engineer.
  • Engineer with a Masters in Business.
  • Accountant.
  • Lawyer.
     So many Engineers...

    So I'm the next one to show them what I got. And to make things better, I'm the eldest sibling in my family. I need to set a good example for my younger brother and sister too. And the pressure is really on not to fuck up. I mean, it wouldn't be that hard to get a job anywhere but it needs to be on the level that everyone else has already set. That kind of prestige. I don't want to be known as the first failure or that-cousin/nephew/grandson-who-wasn't-successful or something, can't soil the Wei family name.

    Ugh.

    So what can I do? My marks aren't terrible but they're not amazing (I'm hovering at around a 3.0 GPA), my job experience are meh at best, and I don't have much of a direction as of where to go. There was a time at which I wanted to become a doctor, but recently I've begun to reconsider (for reasons other than my GPA being way too low) but I'll discuss that in another blog post.

    56 comments:

    1. i have the same problem. every minute of everyday of every week they are talking bout this shit.

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    2. ... Expectations can ruin your life. Money's worth squat with an unhappy life. I mean sure, go for something big as long as you have no direction, but when you find that special thing that you honestly enjoy doing sometime along the road, DEADLOCK ONTO IT. Regardless of what people will think, you only get one life.

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    3. I'll give you some advice I wish I had gotten when I was your age: you are not your job. jobs don't make your life happy. you may end up with many different jobs before you find one you like. specialization is for insects, not humans. learn everything you can about the things you love, and never compromise your dreams based on your families expectations.

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    4. My family isn't very successful. My mom and dad worked for petty pay. My grandpa owned a dry cleaners, his other son owns a vacuum/sewing store, and my other grandpa was a trucker. That's about it.

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    5. After you graduate you could try teaching English overseas, a lot of programs don't require you to speak the language of the country just to have completed a university level program. They often pay for flights and accommodation for the year (year or half year contracts. It will give you a chance to get away from your normal life, see the world while getting payed. And not worry about family pressure for a while since they are half a world away =)

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    6. Those all seem like stressful jobs... Try not to compare so much to what they are -- and think about what YOU want. You will be as happy/successful as you want to be, as cliche it sounds.

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    7. I have a lot of the same problems at you. I love your address, btw. I am a derp, too! Anyways, yeah, teaching English overseas = looks are important, especially in China. Be cute, white, and preferably a guy. :D Btw, your cousins who are engineers look badass! I want to be an engineer! :D

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    8. Don't bend to the pressure if you don't want traditional success. But if you do wish to go a conventional route, you could get into software.

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    9. So much pressure... I sympathize man.

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    10. I do not even go to school. lol

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    11. many of us feel the same way.

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    12. wow, prestige huh? I have never understood why anyone cares. It's a mystery to me, it really is. I've tried to care. I fake it a lot. But at the end of the day I've only ever really cared about what I think.

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    13. honour thy mother and father...with reservations

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    14. you can be anything you want, doctor or engineer. ;)

      seriously though, how about dentistry? i hear the market is still growing for that one. :)

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    15. I'm in the same place as you man, sucks dick ;/

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    16. Like a famous man once said: "Fuck it". Do what ever you feel like doing. Don't let your family decide who you are for you. That's something you should figure out yourself

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    17. In the end it's what you want to become. Choose a major which you're going to love with all your heart and then you're going to be successive at doing that. When i chose to be a geologist all my relatives had been successful too so that helped me choose the right academic path.

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    18. I have similar pressure but to be the first not to fuck up. +Followed!

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    19. Dont be too hard on yourself.
      All the millionaires and achievers are school dropouts BillGates,SteveJobs,Mark Zuckerberg,etc.,
      You have only one life, do what you like and cut some slack bud..Worrying isnt going to help.

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    20. Good luck on it. You have a hard way to go ;-)

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    21. good luck figuring this out, it's always hard but you'll get there

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    22. I totally understand what you are going through. I believe that if you follow your heart, you can't go wrong. And remember it's your life. You can be whoever you want to be. You can't please everyone. :D

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    23. My family is the same way. It's terribly annoying and stressful. I'm sorry you have to go through the same.

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    24. just do what YOU want to do. it's your life and you can't please everyone around you (a foolish goal imo).

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    25. Relax and enjoy life day by day. I'm sure your family wants you to be happy more than anything.

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    26. that sucks. my parents don't put too much pressure on me, but just a little

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    27. im also the eldest child, but unlike you i just dont give a fuck hahaha. besides, my brother is a bit of a fuck up anyway (smokes, does weed etc) so it really doesnt bother me at all. And I couldnt care less what the rest of my family thinks, kinda feel for you if you do. funny post man, followed

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    28. Just worry about what makes you happy man. Everything is downhill from there.

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    29. Relax, man, do not feel obligated to become a doctor or whatever just because your relatives are... Do what makes YOU happy, cause nothing maters more than that.

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    30. do whatever you wanna do dude!

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    31. Worry about yourself, not them. :)

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    32. That indeed in some pressure. Luckily I'm only child, but getting more attention isn't exactly helpful at times.

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    33. I agree with Scienide!
      Do what you want with your life in the end its your happiness that matters.
      10 years from now you maybe living in a different city with different people in your life and barely have time for your family and at that point their opinions will seem insugnificant!

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    34. Yes web comics count, do you have some cool ones I'd like? And this is tough, but I know the pressure from family, you want to impress them but at the same time you need to be happy in yourself. Luckily I don't come from the background that you do, so I've not had that pressure. My parents and relatives want me to do well, but they'd be happy with me doing whatever. I think your parents/relatives should accept you whatever you decide to do. xxx

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    35. I would have to agree that some of it comes from family.

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    36. I was a 3.0 student all the way. And now look at me...well, look at me in another five years.

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    37. With this bad economy, just more school.

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    38. Gotta love that family pressure. Sux. But keep your head up, keep it moving, and you'll do fine.

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    39. Hi damian,
      i've read through all your posts (yeahh all 5 of them whooo) and I guess I can empathise. I'm pretty familiar with the whole family expectation thing, especially coming from an asian background like you, but like others have said, its definitely best to think about what you want to do first and foremost. don't sweat it about expectation, prestige, employment, the future- that's for when you have a midlife crisis ;)
      like you, i'm studying a science degree (medical science) and I wonder pretty much every day about what the hell i'm going to do as a career, whether I will get into medicine later on, or if I'm too average but it's hardly constructive- just find what you love and try to make the most of all the opportunities offered to you now.
      God what a rant. Anyway, great blog, i'm following you now :)

      annie | WEMAKEPLANS

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    40. Find something you are interested in. Don't be forced to live a boring life.

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    41. My family never pressured me. Just live your dreams man, you're an individual!

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    42. college is definitely frustrating to say the least

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    43. Dude, I know all about family pressure. I could write a book.
      You should aim to be rich. When you're rich, it doesn't matter what you do. :D
      Following and supporting, mate! :)

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    44. i love mr. Worry *.* and all the others!

      +follow :)

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    45. Family expectations can be hard to deal with, sometimes you just have to push that aside to be able to be a success at what you want to do!

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    46. Thanks for visiting my blog, Damian :)

      I see you've only been blogging for a very short while...yet look at your following and the number of comments you are generating! You're clearly doing plenty right...maybe, writing is your niche? Complete your degree, to satisfy your family and then do what YOU want with the rest of your life! You cannot go through life trying to please others all the time and having to live up to their expectations at the expense of your own peace of mind, sense of well-being and quality of life! You get one chance at doing life your way! You can wait until you're 60 before the realisation hits you, or you can take a stand and seek the path that is best for you, NOW!

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    47. lol, I fully understand your situation. Words from an asian guy whose parents are nazis :D

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    48. Don't worry about the pressure. Find something that YOU want to do, and pursue it will all of your heart, motivation, and energy. You'll be a success, just keep at it. Don't let party or TV/internet distract you too much. Most importantly, don't do it to impress other, do it for you!

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