I haven't made an effort to go about telling people that we're no longer together. Most people think we're still dating. Of course, we also made sure to keep things as quiet as possible. Neither of us are attention-seekers, making passive aggressive status updates on Facebook and calling people on the phone in tears.
Neither of us are a big fan of drama.
The thing is, my relationship with Theresa hasn't really changed. We ended on very friendly terms. But besides the fact that we no longer have a verbal contract stating that we are in a serious monogamous relationship we still act almost exactly the same to one another. Well, minus the couple talk.
I see her just as often and we talk just as often. It almost feels like we're still dating.
And I'm not sure how to interpret this or if there is anything to interpret. We broke up because she felt she needed more time for herself and yet we're still spending nearly the same amount of time together. And yet here we are, meeting up when she has spare time and talking online in the evenings.
Is she just being nice and keeping me company because she's worried? Or is there a chance we could still get back together?
Or am I overthinking things?
I know I said I've moved on but I'll be honest, if she wanted to get back into a relationship with me, I'd happily go back. Does this make me desperate or mean I haven't actually moved on? I don't really know. I expect someone like Fang to let me know. He can be kind of blunt with his comments but I appreciate it.
That being said if I found a perfectly nice girl and we connected I could start a relationship with her with no negative feelings or baggage. The chances of me finding such an individual anytime soon however are slim to none. I still feel that things between Theresa and I could still work.
I just don't know how I could bring the subject up without sounding clingy or creepy. Maybe I shouldn't even be thinking about this at all. Maybe the fact that I still think like this at all means I deluded myself into thinking I've moved on.
That be great, being in a state of denial.
Will Theresa read this? I don't know and the offchance that she may read this isn't going to change what I post. I won't deny that I still have feelings for her but I'm not holding my breath hoping that she'll change her mind.
Happy Valentines day to everyone else who's taken.
It's good to be single, sob.
ReplyDeleteWell if you've put all this thought then in to it then my guess is that, no, you haven't really moved on. My friend and her gf broke up on friendly terms and still loved eachother, but my friend admits that no matter what, they could never get back together and she's even moved on. You've done quite a lot of psychology study now so I suggest taking yourself away from the situation emotionally and analyse it. To me though, it sounds like you haven't really moved on, and you're holding out. But if you really would take someone who comes along then it seems you've moved on a bit.
ReplyDeleteScrew the day, crap I say haha But 1. you are never going to find someone if all you do is hang out with her still and 2. i you do the someone else isn't going to like that. So either have to shit or get of the pot, can't be half in half out.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say but just hang on there.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comforting comment about my cat.
dont know if moving on is easy if you're seeing her as much. i think the process could only begin once the person is physically away.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm...sounds like a bit of a odd situation. I hope you guys figure it all out!
ReplyDeletewell, Damien, the answer is really easy - if you really loved Theresa your heart would tell you to fight for her, to court her again, to seduce her again... maybe she wants you to show her you truly and deeply care? Maybe she wanted to see if you would care enough and do everything to prove true love to her.
ReplyDeleteAnd if your heart isn't telling you that, than she wasn't your soulmate and you both need to found other people.
Alright, my friend, here's some tough love: hanging around your ex can never be a good thing. You have to remember: she *wanted* to be single. So now she gets to see you all the time like her BFF while getting the option to date other guys. How is that fair to you? If being single was what she wanted, then cut her off completely. Don't spend all night talking online with her. Don't spend time with her. Give her exactly what she asked for. Only after you're truly gone will she realize what she's missing. Right now she has nothing to miss because you're always there. And if she doesn't miss it, well, you had your answer all along. But at least you weren't at her beck and call like a little puppy dog, setting yourself up for even more heartbreak.
ReplyDelete/Tough love
I know I'm supposed to be on a bloggy-break right now, but I just had to say this is fabulous advice - right on guys.
DeleteSeriously, I think you should discuss this with Theresa. You're spending the same amount of time together, yet she broke up with you because she didn't have time for a relationship because of her studies? Doesn't jive.
ReplyDeleteI.. didn't ever even intend on being hella blunt in my comments. But great to see they go appreciated nonetheless, haha.
ReplyDeleteNot sure what to say, really. My advice would probably be way off the mark anyway, what with me being outside of the whole situation and everything. At least you can be happy you still have regular contact, right?
You're doing OK. Give her space and time. And give yourself the same thing. Be available, and not just for her. Sometimes it takes a while for feelings to work themselves out one way or another. For both of you.
ReplyDeleteThere's a saying, "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they're not."
ReplyDeleteTime will tell with you and Theresa. Just keep walking your path and see what happens.
In my opinion, it is absolutely fine to rethink this. Hey, this person has been an important part of your life for many years! You can't simply let these feelings go without understanding the reason for them. I sincerely wish you to be happy with whatever decision you make!
ReplyDeleteWow, how to comment. Well I am single this year too and I am embracing. I don't think you should see yourself as a failure in love. And finally how can either one of you learn to miss each other if you do not take a break. The healthy thing would be to not contact each other for 1 month to get perspective. I know it sounds harsh but it is the healthy move to make.
ReplyDeleteIt's normal to want her back, but don't over think. Try to move on still, for your own mental health's sake.
ReplyDeleteHappy Single Awareness Day man. That's very bizarre about Theresa, it kind of sounds like you are still together even though you're not which is strange. Good on you to not hold your breath and wait around for her to change her mind, you're doing the right thing buddy, hopefully today isn't too tough on you at least.
ReplyDeleteThat's the part of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteHappy Valentines Day! :D
Oh young one, you are not being desperate, just reflective. This is most normal after being in such a long-term relationship. And as for the future, I wouldn't fret too much. The future may just surprise you. Stay warm kiddo.
ReplyDeleteI think it's odd if you are still spending so much time that you're not in a relationship...so maybe you could get back together. And no, it doesn't sound like you're desperate. You spend that much time and love someone, of course you won't be over it in a couple of weeks.
ReplyDeleteBeen there my friend.
ReplyDeleteYou're not over-thinking it or anything.
ReplyDeleteIt's really great that you guys are on talking terms and still friends...that means you had(still have.) a healthy relationship.
And enjoy it.
I've been in a similar situation. sucks doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteCool blog.
Take it from an old timer, the friendship that stays behind is very valuable. I would not loose that friendship. What I would do is ask her opinion on any girl that you would be interested in. I would not ask the question without mentioning the fact that she will always be the number one and double checking with her if this is what she really wants ie not being a couple. The other choice is to wait until she finds herself someone else. Then you would now for sure that she wants to go in a different direction. Good Luck
ReplyDeleteI remember single awareness day four years ago, it sucks.
ReplyDelete*pats your head*
ReplyDeleteIt'll be ok Damien. I think it's safe to say you're not over Theresa entirely. Aren't there like stages of a break-up?
i sent some flowers to my lady friend, she did a backflip.
ReplyDeletePlain moss that grows on the roofs here in Poland. These are the seeds.
ReplyDeleteYou will find someone new, it is inevitable
ReplyDeleteYou can't move on if you are still there.
ReplyDeleteIf you are still spending so much time together, even as friends it sounds like it's not really over to me.
ReplyDelete