Tuesday, 30 April 2013

I'm Just Slightly Upset

I know I've been mentioning my ex a lot these last few blog posts. Or at least it feels that way to me. It's difficult because half my brain absolutely despises her, and is so angry for everything that she's done to me, for all the emotional turmoil she's thrown me into. The other half keeps trying to stick up for her, rationalize some of her actions and words.

Well, I don't need to worry about this anymore. Because now, I absolutely loathe her.

Yes, yes I am.

She wanted to see me the other day for some reason. Quick breakfast or something. No biggie, I agreed. I knew something was up though, because you don't randomly call up your ex, especially during your own finals week.

Guess who has a new boyfriend.


Just. Wow.

I guess I should be flattered that she decided to tell me in person. As opposed to me finding out from someone else. But here's the part that really irks me. Remember all things she said to me prior to our break-up? "I think I'm happier single", "I was too busy to commit to a relationship", "I'm not interested in a relationship right now", and who could forget "You'll probably be the best boyfriend I'll ever have".

Yes, which makes total sense. This is why you got a new boyfriend. Either you're lying to my face or you're a masochist who wants a worse boyfriend. I wonder which one it could be.

I assure you that I am cursing like a sailor as I type these words. Unfortunately, I cannot convey these words on my blog if I want to keep my SFW rating.

And scowling too. Lots of scowling.

Apparently they've been dating for a few weeks now, and after getting the green light from her various friends, decided to go with it. They started spending time together because they had so much spare time. 

Time that she rarely had for me.

I feel a bit betrayed. Maybe it's the hormones and the emotions but I can't tell if I'm being petty right now. Why does it matter to me who she's sleeping with? We're not a couple anymore, her personal life is none of my business.

Am I wrong for feeling anger for being lied to? Was I lied to? Her past attempts to comfort me can certainly be described as pathetic, and its only worsened the entire recovery process for me. I'm just glad they started dating recently, because now, I can just channel this energy into more anger. If this happened a few months ago I would have become morose.

Wow, I have a lot of angry reaction pictures.

I'm happy for her, that she managed to move on so quickly and find a fellow med student with similar interests with whom she can start a relationship with. But I certainly am NOT happy WITH her. Am I jealous that despite all this time I still can't find a significant other? Yes, yes I am.

Remember, when we broke up, we didn't make a huge debacle over it. Many people still believe we're dating. And I know that she'll be judged by her peers for her actions. How cliched is that? Dumping your old boyfriend after getting into medicine, and then almost immediately dating a fellow med student?

I'm going to sit back, and enjoy all and any fallout that comes from this. And I refuse to defend her actions any longer, I've put up with enough. Way more than enough. If anyone else wants my side of the story, they're going to get it in all its entirety. No more self-censorship.

For anyone curious, no, I do not contact her. I absolutely refuse to talk or communicate with her in any medium. If she ever wants to talk to me, she has to initiate something. And at the moment, I'm thinking of completely removing her from my life and just flat out ignoring her from now on.

I hope she's happy with her decisions, because I certainly am not. The best of luck to her with everything.


  1. 'I'm happy for her, that she managed to move on so quickly and find a fellow med student with similar interests with whom she can start a relationship with.' Those words got my alarm bells ringing... Are you sure that's the order in which all of this happened? Just saying for what I think happened happened to me once. Better make that twice.

  2. yeah, I'm thinking you're better off without her.

  3. Sorry you're so upset over it. I get that it hurts...a lot of people need rebounds, though. It probably won't last between her and the new guy (not trying to be an ahole about her or anything..just saying).

  4. Sure sounds like she lied and all it was was a cloud of bs, I'd cut her off completely too.

  5. I can't blame you for being upset at all, it's disgusting what she's done! I can't stand it when people break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend because they don't have enough time for them, and then immediately get with someone else. A similar thing has happened to me in the past, so I empathise completely.

  6. I think she probably didn't want to hurt you and that is why she broke up saying she wants to be single, Damian. It's not easy breaking up with partners....

    And it is often better to leave an ex behind you especially if you were the one who ended up hurt. The one who holds the grudge will always feel hurt which is why it is better to avoid hurtful situations....

  7. Bummer, man. I feel bad for you. But the best thing to do is just get on with your own life and look ahead with confidence. She's in your rear view mirror now and will get smaller every day that you move ahead.

  8. Wow. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all... your break-up wasn't that long ago at all, and already she's moved on? (weren't you two together for YEARS?). Even though I'm happily married now, I still detest my ex. It actually surprises me how much negativity I still have toward him... but I think it's normal to be angry, as long as you're letting yourself express/vent in healthy ways. Sorry, dude. It sounds like you're much better off without her.

  9. I can understand you being upset. There's nothing worse than lack of trust, and that overlaps with relationships immensely. Personally I would much prefer if I was told the truth as to why I am being dumped, and I'm guessing from your post you have the same values. Unfortunately egos get in the way of honesty, and although you may or may not have an ego, there are plenty of people who do. Even so, honesty prevents that I've-been-screwed-over feeling that you must be feeling right now.

    I hope you feel happier soon and learn to feel nothing but indifference towards your ex so that you can find someone who is actually worth your time and effort. Keep smiling! :)

  10. I remember well being single and how much this hurts. But we can't plan for who we're going to be attracted to or when they will come along. It could just as easily have been you instead of her who found a new interest first. You'll heal quicker by not dwelling on the memories. I know it sounds impossible, but you can move on.

  11. I honestly think that the best decision that you could make is just to completely remove her from your life buddy. If I'm going to be honest with you I think that the main reason why you stayed so close to her was out of hope that she would change her mind and things would get better but they haven't and she's obviously making you very angry and miserable and understandably so so it's best to move on. Honestly she reeks of somebody who decided she was bored of you and just wanted to find a new avenue which makes her a horrible human being in my eyes. Forget her, what's most important right now is that you feel better about this soon mate, I can guarantee you that you will find somebody else and somebody else very soon, I haven't got the slightest worry about that at all, keep your head up buddy.

  12. You know, for the occasional post like this, it might be worth it to have a nsfw blog. It really gets you to pour everything out and you feel a lot better afterwards. I'd know.

  13. Wow that sucks man. I'm sorry. And no you're not wrong for being angry. Sometimes we try to manage or rationalize away our emotions when we shouldn't. Sometimes we just need to let the hurt hurt and the anger be angry. Don't go overboard of course. But, girls sometimes do shitty shit for no good reason. Just the way it is

  14. You've got the makings of a New Adult novel here. And I doubt the relationship will last long. Med school is a killer!

  15. Feel better now that you got all that out.......

    I have no words or wisdom or advice because I have no idea how you feel since I have never been there..........

  16. You obviously care about her a lot.
    People use various excuses to break up. She should not have lied to you about not having time. She should have just told you that things were not working out for her with you.
    People also like to know what else is out there instead of appreciating what hey already have.
    I am sure that you are hurting, but you will get over - - - - you have to. Then may be a day will come that she will be sorry that she broke up but then it will be too late for her.

    Take it from an old timer, she did not deserve you if she lied to you.

  17. No question about it, that's shitty, because she lied to you. Saying she didn't want to be in a relationship and then getting into another one? You are better off without someone like that. Sorry though, that sucks.

  18. I know it hurts like hell, but if there is any silver lining, she is showing you respect by making the effort to tell you of her new boyfriend and gestures like that. Everyone who dumps my ass completely ignores and avoids me for the rest of our life, because they are too cowardly to face me and just don't care about my feelings. So, as much you feel like you have gotten a raw deal, and you have...at least you are being treated with some measure of dignity by her. The only thing that will heal this for you is time. I think you may be making the right decision by avoiding contact with her. If she has not been 100% honest with you in the past, you are probably just going to cause yourself more pain by keeping her in your life in the present.

  19. Feel like someone boasting and brandishing their new found boyfriend in order to feel somewhat superior.

  20. There are plenty of fish,,,you know what I mean. Be happy. She was not for you.

  21. Dude, I've said it before and I'll say it again, but 99% of the time when a woman says, "I just want to be single right now" or "I need more time for myself" as an excuse for not dating you, what she really means is "I don't want to date YOU specifically." Why they do this, I don't know, but yes, it's completely shitty, and you have every right to be mad.

  22. and women wonder why men hate dating/relationships

  23. Sounds like you're certainly justified in being angry!

  24. Im sorry you are upset. But I really understand you and how you feel.
    That sucks..And really hope you feel better soon Im sure you will find other person and best.
    DWei you have to think and live other things!!

  25. Ah hun I am so sorry you have to go through this hurtful situation. I can relate and it stings like a B&?%$#. Hang in there.