Sunday, 21 April 2013

Project Koi: The Bachelor (Part 2)

And now onto the conclusion of Project Koi. Part 1 is over there for those who haven't read it. Basically, I'm a lonely University student who has been dumped and am now trying online dating sites. While most people I tried to contact on said sites didn't respond, today we'll take a look at those who did.

Also on an interesting note, it's always funny to find someone you know in real life. I took the time to message said person but they never replied back to me.

I guess they were just embarrassed?

Only two sites had people within my preferences: OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish. Actually to be honest, only Plenty of Fish had a decent number of "matches" (aka, more than 5). I had roughly 3 conversations going out of the ~dozen people I contacted. 1 girl didn't seem all that interested in the entire online dating idea, never updated her profile, and took weeks to reply to my messages. I wrote her off fairly quickly.

On Plenty of Fish, there's a function called "Meet Me" in which you are given pictures of users and asked if you'd be willing to meet them in person. One woman said yes to my profile and so I started a conversation with her that quickly died. I don't know what I said wrong, maybe she thought I was too boring or asked too many questions. She was willing to meet me in person but not willing to talk to me? Weirdo.

The last and final person was my best hope. She was fairly attractive, quirky, and actually responded. Well, she responded when she had internet. Apparently she could only use the WiFi from her phone from work. Our conversations were enjoyable, at least it appeared that way from my end. Then suddenly her profile disappeared. I'd like to blame finals (she claims she's also a University student) but a small part of me feels like she deleted her account because she gave up on online dating.

0/3. I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits.

And then, someone named Cheryl messaged me.

Hello, what is this?

Someone contacting me? This was an unexpected surprise and it seemed innocent enough. Two words "You're cute". Maybe I was still feeling lonely, disheartened by all the failure I was getting. And yet here, someone had found me physically attractive enough to send me a message. I was so flattered that I messaged her back thanking her.

The conversation initially started off fairly standard. Exchange of some basic personal information, etc. etc.. Turns out she lived in a small town several hours away from the city. That immediately eliminated any chance of a date. But that was alright, I was content to talk to someone who enjoyed my company. At least someone was interested in me after all these lonely months.

But before I continue, does anyone here watch Archer? It's a great show.

Funny how the crazy secretary is also named Cheryl.

If this were a book, this would be called "foreshadowing".

The signs were small at the beginning. Little quirks that you, didn't pay much attention to. For example, after the first conversation, she said she wanted to move in with me. Or if she came up to the city, she wanted me to move in with her. Not a big deal, i took it as a joke. I humoured her and then laughed it off.

Red flag #1.

After the second conversation, she told me she was having fantasies of us getting married.

Red flag #2.

Then she started messaging me fairly frequently, asking me why I wasn't online, why wasn't I responding to her, why was I so busy? She missed me and was lonely and wanted to talk. Then she would start getting mad and passive aggressive. Remember. This, was after 2 days of us coming into contact with me.

Red flag #3.

Because I insist on having my blog worksafe I can't mention some of Cheryl's other fantasies. Needless to say I was fairly disturbed and by that point you may as well have thrown me into a pool of red flags. I am very glad that she doesn't live nearby, and has no way of moving to city anytime soon.


I am also very glad that I had minimal information about myself there. I used a fake name, my profile picture has my face partially obscured, dummy email, etc. etc.. I slowly stopped responding to Cheryl (much to her dismay and confusion) in hopes that she'll eventually give up and move onto another target.

And so, I think I have to end Project Koi. It was an uh, interesting experience but ultimately a failure. Looks like I'll have to find a new girlfriend with a different method.


  1. People are crazy everywhere, you just find them out more easily online! Good luck, people meet and hook up and stay happy at the strangest times. I could tell you enough bad date stories to write a book!

  2. Sorry about the GF man. Funny story about Cheryl though. Anyway, good luck with your future dating endeavors.

  3. Ouch, that definitely sounds like a stalker in the making. Good thing you didn't give her any personal info.

  4. you know there's a blown up picture of you on Cheryl's wall, right? And she kisses you goodnight before she turns out the lights...

  5. It's a shame it didn't work but you had some fun along the way and got to meet some...interesting...people.

  6. Ahh your posts always make me laugh! (Not because of the subject matter, it's the way you describe it).
    You'll find someone who is right for you eventually. In my experience, they tend to pop up as soon as you stop looking for them.

  7. Ouch. Yeah, there are a lot of crazies out there in the world of online dating. Pro: I met my wife on OkCupid. Con: I weeded through like 10-15 crazies to get to her, and when I say crazy, I mean like a woman who told me the first moment we met at the coffee place, "I am 29 years old. The day I turn 30 I'm having a baby, and whether you want to be there or not is completely up to you."

    Most people would have just said hi. She saved me a $4 cup of coffee though.

  8. Maybe you'll have to try the old-fashioned way of getting out and about and mingling with people. Join a club, a choir, a church, etc.?

  9. At least now you know that it's not what you need.

  10. end of project Koi
    have a good luck for next project
    its good that you understood got the red flags before going into any trouble

  11. hahaha oh those weirdos are scary. Had a few and yeah using fake info is the best way to be with all the scaries on there.

  12. you mean you put your picture on a dating site but won't put it here so that all of us would see you finally? :PPP

  13. I hear bingo night at the local mixer has some hot young ass. Maybe that was on Saved by the Bell?

  14. Hm... you know, maybe part of your problem is that you didn't have a profile pic up that shows your whole face? I hate to sound superficial, but it's a dating site. People do a lot of profile skimming, and if someone doesn't have photos or has blurred or hard-to-see photos, it seems like they're hiding something. Hence, no interest. Just my two cents!

    I'm very relieved that Cheryl doesn't know where you live... YIKES!!!

  15. I hear the term is bunny boiler, you were brave to try it in the first place but don't give up because of the first freak though.

  16. She is the one that gives us women a bad name on those sites. Leave the profile just don't spend much time on it. We expect a quick connection and we get hurt when it does not happen. I would leave your profile up.

  17. Yeah Mark, I've actually been watching Archer since the first ever episode. I happened to be watching Home Movies at the time of the first series being released and I fell in love with H.Jon Benjamin's role as Coach McGuirk. I loved the character so much that I went and hunted down any other animations that he gave his voice to and found Archer, it's so good. This lady sounds exactly like Cheryl too which is scary, she sounds so weird haha, dating websites really can get you into a jam sometimes.

  18. My best friend actually met his current gf on okc and it seems to be going ok but it took a loooooot of weeding out the crazies just to find one.

  19. Hmm sounds like most typical "friendships" on-line. I think we are all a bit crazy really. :D

  20. As if anything were wrong with passive aggressive psychotic bi- women. And she was ready to get clingy too, man, that's like the all-in-one!

    It makes a good story, you gotta admit. Good for us readers!

  21. What an experience! It will be one you can laugh about later. Much later :)

  22. Yea, I think you made the right decision about Cheryl. Since you go to a university, why not just try out a few new classes, i.e. yoga, some kind of co-ed intermural sport, or take some kind of class that is open to students of different genders. Heck, just walk up to someone in the cafeteria and start talking.

    Now, do you mind if I glue up?

  23. LOL! In SA, no one takes online dating seriously. The result is that half of the few people who are online do it for kicks, so one never knows if you're dealing with someone genuine, or if you're on the other end of a prank. Terrible, I tell ya. If its any consolation... most of the people (myself included) are lonely *sigh*

  24. Hey, at least it gave you good subject matter for your blog! I'm sure you'll find the right gal...just be patient...

  25. You want to keep your shades drawn and check underneath your car before you start it.
    Just sayin....

  26. I met my boyfriend on OKC but I will admit that there were a ton A TON of crazies. From what I hear girls tend to get messaged more than guys. Not sure why that is.

    It may not have worked out for you but hey it made for blog posts so at least there's that and you escaped Cheryl.

  27. LOL~ this is funny! ^_^ i have a friend who's a really nice girl but when she's talking to a guy she just says the creepiest things haha

    i don't believe in online dating sites. incidentally, i've met my husband because of a social networking site called 'friendster'^_^

    "Diaries of an Indistinctive Writer"

  28. oh no i hope shes stopped messaging you and thats a really good idea to use dummy info for the dating site just incase! i really hoped it was going to be a nice ending for u :(