Lisa

Not all my attempts at a relationship have been successful like the one with Theresa. Once upon a time I was searching for that special someone. Most people aren't attracted to nerdy and kind of weird Asian guys so I didn't have any success in Junior High. Plus, I was kind of shy and socially awkward back then so even if I did get a girlfriend I probably wouldn't have known what to do.

Younger Damian in his natural habit.

That changed in High School. I managed to get in touch with an old friend from Junior High by the name of Lisa. She didn't go to the same nerd High School that I did but we ended up sharing complaints about life, school, family, etc.. And it was nice to have someone to turn to at the end of the day. Guys are supposed to suppress all their feelings and worries and have a stoic face. So when they do find someone they can confide it, it's pretty nice. And in my case, I started to develop feelings.

Lisa was half-Caucasian and half-Asian. She was significantly shorter than me, but she was still cute. I think she had short, brown hair. Maybe cropped at the time? I didn't see her as often as I would have liked due to being from different schools but we talked a lot over MSN. She wasn't above crude and stupid humor but at the same time she was able to have an intelligent and engaging conversation if you wanted. I also remember her being extremely artsy, with a love for literature and music.

I also realized that I would have to begin changing myself if I wanted to have a chance with her.

And probably my fashion sense too.

I pushed myself out of the socially awkward shell and learned to better interact and talk with people. I tried to be more outgoing and confident. I think I even tried going to the gym more often while my schedule allowed for it. I was making large improvements but it still wasn't enough for me to ask her out. I mean, I suggested and hinted a lot of things and I was making it pretty obvious that I was interested in her. In a way I sort of friendzoned myself I guess, kind of pathetic but I think it's kind of funny now.

And it would continue for about two years.

Not that I minded. I was content with where I was. I had the illusion or hope that something could someday happen and that was good enough for me. The Damian of today would have pushed for something more concrete but that's neither here or there. The following conversation would occur however and change everything.

I still remember it rather vividly. I was sitting in the basement on one of the older computers running around in Ragnarok Online, chatting with people. It was Easter Sunday and we were going to our Aunt's for Easter dinner soon. Lisa sends me to following message:

Lisa: Speaking of interesting things
L: Damian, I have something to tell you.

My heart pace quadrupled at that point. Had all my waiting paid off? No longer to be single? Despite the lack of physical contact could a relationship work? Maybe she finally picked up on one of my hints and felt the same way? I waited eagerly for her next message.

L: I'm currently seeing someone.

Sh*t.

L: It's a girl.

Double sh*t.

Two years of sitting, waiting and hoping sure did me a lot of good. She had been dating someone for the last six months and didn't bother to tell me. Didn't want to "break my heart" or "dash my hopes"? Something along those lines. I would have preferred it if she had rejected me sooner and saved me all that heartache. But I wasn't upset with her, more upset with myself for hanging on for so long. I remember going to that Easter dinner utterly depressed, everyone thought I was ill or something. I didn't tell them what actually happened.

I stayed miserable for about 6 weeks, wallowing in self pity and all that other nonsense. No one to really turn to now and confide in, it was just too awkward right? I also stopped looking for potential girlfriends.

But that didn't stop Meredith from coming after me. I'll share her story in another post.