Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Lisa

Not all my attempts at a relationship have been successful like the one with Theresa. Once upon a time I was searching for that special someone. Most people aren't attracted to nerdy and kind of weird Asian guys so I didn't have any success in Junior High. Plus, I was kind of shy and socially awkward back then so even if I did get a girlfriend I probably wouldn't have known what to do.

Younger Damian in his natural habit.

That changed in High School. I managed to get in touch with an old friend from Junior High by the name of Lisa. She didn't go to the same nerd High School that I did but we ended up sharing complaints about life, school, family, etc.. And it was nice to have someone to turn to at the end of the day. Guys are supposed to suppress all their feelings and worries and have a stoic face. So when they do find someone they can confide it, it's pretty nice. And in my case, I started to develop feelings.

Lisa was half-Caucasian and half-Asian. She was significantly shorter than me, but she was still cute. I think she had short, brown hair. Maybe cropped at the time? I didn't see her as often as I would have liked due to being from different schools but we talked a lot over MSN. She wasn't above crude and stupid humor but at the same time she was able to have an intelligent and engaging conversation if you wanted. I also remember her being extremely artsy, with a love for literature and music.

I also realized that I would have to begin changing myself if I wanted to have a chance with her.

And probably my fashion sense too.

I pushed myself out of the socially awkward shell and learned to better interact and talk with people. I tried to be more outgoing and confident. I think I even tried going to the gym more often while my schedule allowed for it. I was making large improvements but it still wasn't enough for me to ask her out. I mean, I suggested and hinted a lot of things and I was making it pretty obvious that I was interested in her. In a way I sort of friendzoned myself I guess, kind of pathetic but I think it's kind of funny now.

And it would continue for about two years.

Not that I minded. I was content with where I was. I had the illusion or hope that something could someday happen and that was good enough for me. The Damian of today would have pushed for something more concrete but that's neither here or there. The following conversation would occur however and change everything.

I still remember it rather vividly. I was sitting in the basement on one of the older computers running around in Ragnarok Online, chatting with people. It was Easter Sunday and we were going to our Aunt's for Easter dinner soon. Lisa sends me to following message:

Lisa: Speaking of interesting things
L: Damian, I have something to tell you.

My heart pace quadrupled at that point. Had all my waiting paid off? No longer to be single? Despite the lack of physical contact could a relationship work? Maybe she finally picked up on one of my hints and felt the same way? I waited eagerly for her next message.

L: I'm currently seeing someone.

Sh*t.

L: It's a girl.

Double sh*t.

Two years of sitting, waiting and hoping sure did me a lot of good. She had been dating someone for the last six months and didn't bother to tell me. Didn't want to "break my heart" or "dash my hopes"? Something along those lines. I would have preferred it if she had rejected me sooner and saved me all that heartache. But I wasn't upset with her, more upset with myself for hanging on for so long. I remember going to that Easter dinner utterly depressed, everyone thought I was ill or something. I didn't tell them what actually happened.

I stayed miserable for about 6 weeks, wallowing in self pity and all that other nonsense. No one to really turn to now and confide in, it was just too awkward right? I also stopped looking for potential girlfriends.

But that didn't stop Meredith from coming after me. I'll share her story in another post.

63 comments:

  1. Not a happy story but definitely had to crack up at the Patrick Stewart picture and the caption.

    As a relatively recent grad, enjoying your posts and can definitely relate. Keep it up and look forward to reading more from you!

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  2. your stories give me hope...

    -forever alone-

    + following

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  3. So you are Asian? Where are you from? I'm Vietnamese but still living in my native country.

    Btw, even Casanova still got a lot of troubles at the beginning of his legendary womanizer life. So dont be sad if some girl broke your heart.

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  4. I find it's when you aren't really looking for a relationship that one comes along and kicks you where it hurts. It's good you allowed yourself to change, but it's always better to change for yourself. Still, having read your blog, you seem like a pretty awesome guy now. Wish I'd changed that much since those times a few years ago.

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  5. can't win em all i guess haha.

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  6. Well, at least it was a girl. It wasn't you. You (or any other guy) never had a chance.

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  7. I met this girl at a club once, she told me her name was Lisa. She was this smoking hot blonde. I didnt get her number that day. I run into her again about a month later. I go over to her table and talk to her. She says her name is Kelly. She gives me her number, I call her the next day. We were together for about 6 months.

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  8. :( That sucks. But, hey you have Theresa now!

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  9. I know how it feels. :(
    Can't wait to read the story of Meredith.

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  10. If you like a girl, you can't hesitate. If you wait, you'll friend-zone yourself. No guy wants that :| Hope Meredith made you feel better!!

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  11. I know how it is to grow up an Asian surrounded by a bunch of white people, I grew up in Texas.

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  12. I'll have what she's having

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  13. And that's what sitcoms are made of.

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  14. Oh! it was a girl, well.... whooops! same thing happened to a friend.

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  15. IMO, the strongest men are the ones who can share their emotions. The stoic face is preferred, but being able to connect on a deep, emotional level is more important. But then again I'm not very good at making friends or having relationships... I think I just got lucky :P

    Also, if she was/is into girls, you should have totally tried to get in on that. LOL

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  16. "I had the illusion or hope that something could someday happen and that was good enough for me."

    the whole truth about friendzone in a sentence :D

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  17. I was the same in high school. had a crush on a girl, didn't even dare to talk to her. Went through all of high school daydreaming about manning up and telling her, but I never did. Maybe that was just as well, though.

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  18. It blows when that happens sorry to hear. I'd like to ad it happens to everyone, just find things you like stick to them and meet other people who share those likes.

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  19. go on man =) the good thing of that story is that she had convinced you to "push yourself out of the socially awkward shell", so the next time, with another girl, will be easier; it's sad, but no one is irreplaceable

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  20. Damn, spending two years to be more than friends and than you realize shes not even into guys..fcked up :/

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  21. I've had some bad luck myself bro.

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  22. If you try to force it then you might end up in a relationship you're unhappy with, just live your live and stay open to opportunities and she might just walk right into your life.

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  23. I actually like Asian guys and Asian people :)

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  24. This is really compelling reading. You're obviously an intelligent (and funny) guy. I hope you're having better luck with the girls these days.

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  25. The part where this all went wrong was: "I managed to get in touch with an old friend from Junior High..."

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  26. Wow! I enjoyed that story a lot! Hearing it made me think of my highschool expereinces! Full of bad memories but nice to think about ten years after the fact and laugh at how much of a loser I was!

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  27. Man that must have hurt like hell ;_;
    2 years for nothing .-.

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  28. lol rape is always an option

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  29. I read this and i love how you built it up. I kind of laughed at the reveal because it was a nice twist. sucks that it happen but I think you are now better off.

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  30. YET ANOTHER HEARTWARMING STORY.

    By the way, you sure nobody got directed to your blog via keywords? Did you check your stats page? :)

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  31. sitting and waiting usually doesn't help :(

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  32. That sucks dude! But you know it wasn't your fault so I suppose that's something. I really like a girl and have done for a year and a bit but she has a boyfriend so yeah. Sucks xD

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  33. Im not gonna lie that shirt looks badass! Great Post!

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  34. is this true? from experience - you should never waste time on people who play with your heart!
    let's hear about meredith!

    jos xx

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  35. I'm having the same problem at the moment. I'm probably friendzoning myself... let's hope she ain't lesbian too :p

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  36. "all you need is love" sorry this love turned out to dig lady flava. thank gawd she was aware of this, otherwise you'd be stuck playin intermural softball for LIFE!

    fun post! new follower!

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  37. kind of sad history :(
    better times will come!
    +follow :)

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  38. At least it wasn't you, though. She just plays for the other team. :D

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  39. Gotta strike while the iron is hot

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  40. Thank you for the blog comment!

    And honestly, this is practically the story of my life. Particularly this year, I fell head over heels with a boy in my Chinese class...................
    and he's gay.

    Oops.

    Cheers,
    nicole.

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  41. Awww... man that's harsh. I don't know how I would take that. Well, I do actually. I would totally have suggested a threesome. Not like you were going to stay friends afterward, right?

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  42. Oh man! That's a rough one. Those kinds of things are hard enough to deal with, but to come to terms with the fact that you never had a shot is really hard. I'm glad I know you're WAY on the other side of that, though, and doing well!

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  43. "Its a girl"
    Dont lose hope yet. You may have just struck gold, what if shes into threesomes

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  44. A broken heart is so hard to mend. It's difficult to see the lesson, the take-away.

    But it IS true what they say. As soon as you're not looking... here comes a [Meredith].

    Thanks for visiting my blog! I really like the premise of yours. I can relate. I over-analyze much of my existence. :)

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  45. Been there bro, been there...

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  46. What a jerk. She obliviously just loved soaking up attention she wasn't concerned about your feelings at all :/.

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  47. "It's a girl"

    That's when you ask "Can I watch?"

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  48. Sometimes you have to take the initiative and move forward. But maybe you can convince her otherwise.

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  49. I enjoyed reading this post. I don't have a comment comment, but wanted to let you know that I read it and thought you did a good job writing it.

    Cheers.

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  50. If she's not into you because she's into girls, I'd say that was better than another guy at least

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  51. Double shit

    Really is an awful story, hope you'll have better things to remember in the future!

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  52. I love that socially awkward shirt, btw.

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