Why Medical School Might Not be the Best

I think almost everyone is aware of the stereotype that all Asians are forced to be become doctors or risk being shunned by their families forever. Fortunately, my parents aren't batshit crazy and actually respect what I want to go into (whatever that'll turn out to be). But for a while, I actually wanted to go into Medical school like most of my peers. But after a while, I wasn't so sure anymore.

Well the first problem was my grades. My GPA isn't exactly the most pristine thing anymore after a terrible 3rd year. I hear that I could get into a Medical school in the Caribbean but I can't stand heat or humidity and it be extremely expensive. Like tens of thousands of dollars a year. And I didn't get a job so either parents pay (which doesn't feel right) or I get a loan (which kills me later on).

Not so appealing now, are you?

But if I were to get into Med school here in Canada, the costs aren't much better. My friend Geoff who recently got in has to pay a confirmation fee of $1000. My confirmation fee was $175. He has to pay over ten thousand a year. And it would probably be double that if he was living by himself. And no one becomes a doctor in just one year. If I'm correct, 4 years to be a General Practitioner and ~5 years for most specializations? I heard it's even more expensive in the states though so I guess I can't complain.

And there's another thing, time. From Elementary to High School that's 13 years. If I were to enter Med School that's easily another 9 years on top of the 4 years of University I've completed to get my degree. I'd be in my 30's when I'd be done, using my 20's to do more studying. I don't think that's how I want to remember spending my young adult years.

Sadly enough, this is what I mostly remember doing as a child.

Fine, let's cut that down by half a decade and just become a General Practitioner instead. It wouldn't be so bad, recent study suggests that these guys have the most job satisfaction. But another study also reveals (in just my city) that over 90% of them encounter verbal and/or physical abuse from their clients. And the stress is also ridiculous. I remember my old family doctor actually was forced to take a 3 week vacation after he suffered a nervous breakdown.

But it be ok right? Doctors make a ton of money. Yes, yes they do. Except they're usually too busy to do anything with it until they're retired. I heard of a world-renown doctor who traveled all over the world to attend conferences and give speeches. Guess who spent his money? His wife, who traveled with him and would shop while he would give his seminars.

She was probably pretty happy.

One last thing would be corruption. Yes, it exists even within Medicine. I actually only have one clear example and to be honest, it's kind of scary. There was a head surgeon around here, 20 years at a hospital who spoke out against something.

They got rid of him immediately. 20 years at a hospital and without a second thought he was gone.

I remember the complaints and articles in the paper, people being confused but it caused me to wonder. What else is happening in our hospitals that is being repressed? I'm sure that newer doctors are seeing flaws and problems in the system but they're forced to stay quiet. I mean, if even a senior doctor can be sacked so easily I'm sure they'd have no problem with anyone else.

It's ok, there are plenty more where he came from.

But you know what? If for some unlikely, insane and miraculous reason I got accepted into Med school, I'd probably take it. I know about the problems and horrors and yet I'd still freely hurl myself into this. Why? Because at least it be something. I still don't know what I'm going to do with myself after I graduate.

And the thought of any secure job opportunities is enough for me to go through all that nonsense.

A Change of Plans

Well, I finally heard back from the job interview and as it turns out, I didn't get the job.

Oh well.

They were nice about it though, and even sent me an email apologizing for not accepting me but guess what they were looking for? Someone who already had a considerable amount of experience/education for the position.

And what was my reason for going after this job? To gain experience in an area in which I had none. So obviously I'm not going to have any experience to start with. I was kind of screwed before I even applied.

Herp derp.

So I'm a bit of a bind here, I'm heading off to another year of classes, with limited funds, limited work experience and then to graduate with barely any idea of what to do with my degree. The job was to delay all of the above for a year as well as alleviate some of them but we saw how well that went.

I'm currently trying to get into either an Organic Chem or Economics course to fill up my schedule and I don't care which one I get, I can always take the other one in the winter term. As embarrassing as it is I managed to get my parents to pay for my tuition this year because I wasn't able to find a stable summer job this year either.

It's hard being a student.

So this will be kind of exciting and hectic I guess. I have even less time to figure out what to do with myself on top of attending another year of classes. For the first time in years I have to restrict myself to a budget and watch every penny I spend (normally I have a decent surplus from a summer job to spend during the school year).

So I'm just going to charge in to the next school year and hopefully work something out. Again, not sure what I can really do with just a Science degree so maybe Grad School is a possible solution? Any suggestions are welcome, I'm really open to anything other than becoming a bum.

Meredith

It's about 10 months after I find out Lisa is actually a lesbian. I had moved on long ago but it still wasn't pleasant to think about. I mean, those 2 years of waiting could have been put to better use on someone who may have returned those feelings.

Like Brandon and Byran noted, the part where I may have gone wrong was getting in touch with an old friend from way back. Who knows what they're like now, they may not be the same person as they are today. You think I would have learned but Meredith, an old friend from Junior High got in touch with me.

And again and again.

Meredith was Caucasian, even shorter than Lisa with light brown hair that extended beyond her shoulders. Pale skin with freckles and green eyes. She loved to laugh, had a fiery personality and was passionate in whatever interested her at the moment and only that moment.

At first it was idle chit-chat and "How are you/your day" sort of conversations but eventually we ended up talking about her. She wasn't going through the greatest time of her life and I was there to to listen. Whether it be family, personal, trivial problems, it didn't matter, I was there.

And eventually she confessed that she had a crush on me since Junior High, and probably still did.

Naturally I was taken a bit by surprise.

Come on, who wouldn't fall for Younger Damian?

And obviously I began to consider things. Someone else initially interested in me? This could be interesting. Maybe this could work. And eventually I asked her out and we started dating. Life was good, I was going to get out of High School soon, I had a girlfriend who was interested in me, things were looking up.

She dumped me 3 days later.

No I'm serious, I log onto MSN and she was acting strangely before finally telling me it was over. Her friends didn't approve of me (because I wasn't part of their inner circle) and she didn't think her Grandma would approve of me either simply because I was Asian. So to make things easier she just broke up with me right there.

No, no she wasn't.

I took this rejection a lot better. Simply because I was more pissed off than upset. I remember thinking to myself "Screw it! I'll be single and I'll enjoy it." And I did, but only for 4 months until Theresa became an important part of my life and well, you know the rest.

Damn it that was stupid

While I wait to hear back from my job interview I'll probably keep working at my part-time fast food job. I've been working here since high school and I don't mind it. My boss is great and is really flexible with scheduling, my coworkers (all the new ones anyways) are fun to work with and I enjoy getting free food.

But once in a while, you get stupid crap like this.

So. Mad.

So it basically went like this. We're about half an hour to close when this guy comes up and orders $2.50 worth of food and proceeds to pay with a $50. I give him $47.50 in change and he then asks for one of the $20s gets broken up into a one $10 and two $5s. So far so good.

Suddenly he asks for his $50 back and adds one $20, two $10s and four $5s and asks if I can give him five $20s back. I comply, he walks off with his food and $20s.

And when I count my till that night it's $50 short.

Replace that with a cash register and that's basically what I was doing.

Did you catch it? Did you see what he did? Fairly simple once you know how this trick works.

Suddenly he asks for his $50 back

I know some of you may be wondering how a trick like this works but it's simple:

1. Small order is paid with a large bill. This causes a lot of change to be produced and as a result, more confusing. In my case the guy asked for one of the bills to be broken up even further.
2. Upon receiving their change, the scammer will ask for his bill back, add some money to it and request the total back.
3. Most people aren't aware of this trick, or trying to be compliant workers, not paying attention to the amounts being handed out and will do as the scammer says.

And we weren't the only place hit by this guy. My sister worked at the nearby Starbucks that night and remembers a similar looking man doing something similar. They were short $40. So I wouldn't be surprised if that guy just walked all around the area and got a bunch of free food and money.

This is for you buddy.

Something similar happened before and it didn't fool me so I'm kind of pissed that it tricked me a second time. My boss however wasn't angry at all, all he said was don't let it happen again. He even refused to let me pay back the $50 that we were short. (Little things like this are why I've stayed at this job for so long).

But yeah, for anyone working a cash register, watch for these little details so you don't get screwed over like I did. It's not fun.

Lisa

Not all my attempts at a relationship have been successful like the one with Theresa. Once upon a time I was searching for that special someone. Most people aren't attracted to nerdy and kind of weird Asian guys so I didn't have any success in Junior High. Plus, I was kind of shy and socially awkward back then so even if I did get a girlfriend I probably wouldn't have known what to do.

Younger Damian in his natural habit.

That changed in High School. I managed to get in touch with an old friend from Junior High by the name of Lisa. She didn't go to the same nerd High School that I did but we ended up sharing complaints about life, school, family, etc.. And it was nice to have someone to turn to at the end of the day. Guys are supposed to suppress all their feelings and worries and have a stoic face. So when they do find someone they can confide it, it's pretty nice. And in my case, I started to develop feelings.

Lisa was half-Caucasian and half-Asian. She was significantly shorter than me, but she was still cute. I think she had short, brown hair. Maybe cropped at the time? I didn't see her as often as I would have liked due to being from different schools but we talked a lot over MSN. She wasn't above crude and stupid humor but at the same time she was able to have an intelligent and engaging conversation if you wanted. I also remember her being extremely artsy, with a love for literature and music.

I also realized that I would have to begin changing myself if I wanted to have a chance with her.

And probably my fashion sense too.

I pushed myself out of the socially awkward shell and learned to better interact and talk with people. I tried to be more outgoing and confident. I think I even tried going to the gym more often while my schedule allowed for it. I was making large improvements but it still wasn't enough for me to ask her out. I mean, I suggested and hinted a lot of things and I was making it pretty obvious that I was interested in her. In a way I sort of friendzoned myself I guess, kind of pathetic but I think it's kind of funny now.

And it would continue for about two years.

Not that I minded. I was content with where I was. I had the illusion or hope that something could someday happen and that was good enough for me. The Damian of today would have pushed for something more concrete but that's neither here or there. The following conversation would occur however and change everything.

I still remember it rather vividly. I was sitting in the basement on one of the older computers running around in Ragnarok Online, chatting with people. It was Easter Sunday and we were going to our Aunt's for Easter dinner soon. Lisa sends me to following message:

Lisa: Speaking of interesting things
L: Damian, I have something to tell you.

My heart pace quadrupled at that point. Had all my waiting paid off? No longer to be single? Despite the lack of physical contact could a relationship work? Maybe she finally picked up on one of my hints and felt the same way? I waited eagerly for her next message.

L: I'm currently seeing someone.

Sh*t.

L: It's a girl.

Double sh*t.

Two years of sitting, waiting and hoping sure did me a lot of good. She had been dating someone for the last six months and didn't bother to tell me. Didn't want to "break my heart" or "dash my hopes"? Something along those lines. I would have preferred it if she had rejected me sooner and saved me all that heartache. But I wasn't upset with her, more upset with myself for hanging on for so long. I remember going to that Easter dinner utterly depressed, everyone thought I was ill or something. I didn't tell them what actually happened.

I stayed miserable for about 6 weeks, wallowing in self pity and all that other nonsense. No one to really turn to now and confide in, it was just too awkward right? I also stopped looking for potential girlfriends.

But that didn't stop Meredith from coming after me. I'll share her story in another post.

Theresa

Thanks again for the encouragement and kind thoughts. The last post was pretty depressing again so let's talk about someone who always makes me smile, my girlfriend Theresa.

We met in High School but never really interacted with one another until our final year. This wasn't much of a surprise as our interests were rather different and so were our personalities. Obnoxious, loud and derpy Damian contrasts with quiet, polite and demure Theresa.

Wow, I'm gorgeous.

I wasn't really looking for a relationship at the time. I was pretty fed up with girls after being rejected by a lesbian and then several months later being dumped by another girl in just three days. That would change at a party. A fellow classmate had rented out a cabin by a lake and invited everyone to go. And while everyone was getting drunk, the following conversation happened between Theresa and I.

Damian: *Obnoxious comment about fellow student*
Theresa: *Eye roll and sigh of disapproval*
D: What was that for?
T: Nothing.
D: You dislike him just as much as I do, what was that for?
T: Seriously, nothing.

Oh Damian, you charmer you.

I was persistent in figuring out why she had acted so coldly to me. Could have been the alcohol in my blood, maybe I was bored but whatever the reason I ended up following her around which is really creepy in retrospect. She didn't care and eventually we started talking about life, ourselves, anything possible and found out we had a lot more in common than we first thought. I still remember standing beside her while we watched the sunrise over the lake.

Meanwhile, the rest of our classmates were puking in garbage bags or passed out so I think I did pretty well.

Awesome.

We ended up talking a lot more and decided to see what would happen if we unofficially hooked up. We were both aware that High School relationships didn't usually go well (if our friends were any indicator), had pretty bad relationships in the past and had no idea what we were getting into.

Thirteen days later I take her out for lunch and ask if she'd actually be my girlfriend.

She said yes.

And we've been happily together for 3 years and 2 months now (or if you want the creepy answer: 1172 days, 21 hours, 56 minutes and 11 seconds as of this post). 

Yeah, clearly in the creepy category

I used to be told that no one would ever want to date me (and rightfully so) but here I am, defying the odds with a beautiful, smart and funny woman who loves me back. She means the world to me and nothing warms the leftovers of my heart more than her smile.

If there is any interest I could also share the story about my two other failed attempts at a relationship. I don't mind, I actually find them kind of funny now. But that's only if my readers are interested, I don't want to bore any of you.

Stress Source: Peers

I discussed how my family was a source of pressure for me but they aren't the only one. In this case a big source of stress comes from the people I graduated with.

I went to a academic, nerdy high school. We were pretty small, with the student population always under 400 people. This meant that everyone knew everybody and we got along with one another for the most part.

Accurate depiction of my school.

I've tried to keep in touch with some of the them but it hasn't been easy. A lot of them are busy but many of them are too busy because of how successful they've been since we graduated.

All I have to do is look to Facebook and check up on their recent statuses. Two years into University and at least 4 of them had been accepted into medicine. This year at least another 8 of them were accepted. And who knows how many more will get in next year. If you're not going into Medicine than you're probably an Engineer. And while the Engineers have it tough for the 4 years of school they got, after that they're pretty much set for life.

The same thing applies to those in Nursing. I know 2 people who are well on their way to becoming teachers. Several of my classmates are studying abroad and you have people like my girlfriend who are in Pharmacy and also set for life once she graduates. And then there are those who want to pursue Graduate Studies like my friend Adrian. He has his name in a scientific paper already, something to do with string theory.

 I tried to read it, my brain hurt afterward.

And for those in the Arts they're doing well too. I have friends who are in graphic design or theater and they too are doing well and are happy with themselves. The Business people seem to know what they're doing and so do those that are becoming Dentists. I look all around me and see a sea of success and bright futures.

And then I look to myself and I wonder where I'm going.

A part of me expects that I should have a better sense of direction. I went to the same school as these people, experienced the same stresses and pressures and even grew up with some of them. They all know where they wanted to go and off they went while I sit here idling and fidgeting.

What to do now.

I don't have all the time or money in the world to figure out what I want to do. I can graduate and get a degree in just one more year. But what will or can I do with it? I guess I could attempt Graduate school like Adrian but my marks and accomplishments certainly aren't as impressive. I mean, the guy has scholarships and achievements going everywhere. He isn't arrogant or boastful though, the guy's a prodigy but refuses to admit it. He was doing calculus when the rest of us were struggling with algebra.

I don't want to attend my High School Reunion and be the only one not doing something with his future. It's not a pleasant or comforting thought, being in a room full of successful and happy people while I realize all I have left is a room in my parents' basement to go to.

Maybe I should keep trying for Medicine like most of classmates, but I'm having my doubts about it. Something I'll share in future blog post.