Theresa unofficially broke up with me a month ago, and as of this week, now it's permanent.
Somehow, that doesn't make it any less painful.
A younger version of me may have spiraled into depression, self-pity, blah blah but I decided to try and become productive instead. Anything to take my mind away from things. I spent as much time with friends or work as possible, whenever I had a spare moment. I wanted to be too tired to be alone with my thoughts.
I'll be honest with you, it doesn't really help, but at least I can say I worked hard. Apparently love causes chemical reactions in the brain that are similar to that of cocaine. So I've been going through drug withdrawal for a month now. It's not pleasant.
I haven't been this lonely in ages, I miss having a significant other. Someone to talk to at the end of the day, all that mushy stuff. I need my fix, and I'm not getting it.
Starcraft is not an appropriate substitute.
As for why, it's because she wanted to concentrate on school. Being a med student eats up a lot of your time and she felt it wasn't fair to me because she wasn't spending enough time with me. So she decided to break up to make it easier on both of us.
I was never a priority. School and work always came first. Which is understandable. But she eventually stopped making time for me because things got busy. And she did make an honest effort to see and spend time with me but would feel guilty when she couldn't balance everything.
She felt it wasn't fair to her or me. But she wasn't willing to change her study habits to devote more time to our relationship. Again, understandable but that doesn't make me feel better.
Some of you may say, "It's just a girlfriend. There are other people out there. You only dated for what? 4.5 years? That's nothing." Keep in mind I'm only 22. I've spent a quarter of my life with this woman and it's done now. I'm not wallowing around in misery or looking for sympathy, but I won't deny that I'm in pain. I'm only human and while I can try to ignore my emotions, that doesn't make them go away.
I'm going to salvage what I can from this. I've learned to be a (hopefully) better boyfriend. We're still on friendly terms which is nice I guess? I'm trying to channel as much of this negative energy into productive work. I came out of this as best I could. As well as anyone could I think.
At least when I started this blog I had a companion, and now she's gone. Where do I go from here? I really don't know. I've been out of the dating game for so long. My social sphere has shrunk, I don't have time to meet new people.
As for how I'm feeling? Not that great. I'll recover, I just need more time. I really hate depressing posts like this but sometimes, a lonely guy needs to vent.